Relationship (mis)Management

Today was a rough day in the relationship arena. I was woken up at noon by an incoming skype video call with my long distance LTR. She wants to talk about "the relationship."

Some history - I approached this girl at a Target store around Thanksgiving. We meet for tea a couple days later, and do everything but have sex in the tea shop. Then make that happen at her place 3 blocks away. We stay in touch, and end up spending 14 days together over Xmas and New Years. She tells me she loves me.

She wants to have the relationship talk. Her summation is this... "I know what is going to happen in LA. I'm not stupid. I just don't want to hear about it, and if I can see you once a month that would be cool." Cool, right? Stay tuned...

I move to LA, and she comes to visit. In 3.5 days, she wants to have relationship drama 4 times. I ignore it and change the subject until she says she feels like I'm ignoring and changing the subject. Then I let her talk herself out, and she comes to the conclusion that she is my main girl, and that is OK. Until today...

Today, she says that she can't have an open relationship, and doesn't exactly say that this is an ultimatum, but wants to talk about it. This has come up before, so she believes I am having sex with other people or have the intention of doing so. And she wants me to fix her problem, because she isn't going to deal with this. We talk for a long time, and I describe in many different ways what she is feeling, and asking if what I am saying sounds accurate. She says it does. I say she feels a need to nest and domesticate me, does that sound right? Yes. You realize I can't agree to these ultimatums? She wants me to figure out a solution that will work

But I don't know what that is, so I tell her I will call her if/when I figure it out. Bye

Here I am with this great girl who says she loves me, who wants me to be committed to her, but I can't do it. And I would love to have her in my life, because she is a great person and we have a lot of fun together. But I don't know how to have her be happy with that. I'm sure somebody more skilled in relationship management would have handled this differently, and I was able to keep it going for a month or so after the DTR conversation first started, but in the end I didn't know how to handle the ultimatum.

She summarized by saying that it sounds like we are both at different places in our lives, and that I need to "go do my thing" and she realizes that if she tried to have me skip "doing my thing" that it would ultimately end poorly for our relationship. But she can't wait, so call her when I'm ready

Boo hoo...