Vegas Day 5 - Yeah, We look Good!

Completely randomly, a friend / wingman of mine was going to be in LA this weekend. But alas, I'm in Vegas. Then last night a text... dude, friends and I decided to drive to Vegas, are you out tonight? But our plans differ and we go to different clubs

Joker, Driver, and I roll up to the Palms to hit Moon and Playboy. I had signed up for the guest list on the Palms website, so I rolled up to the velvet rope, acting like a VIP. A guy walks up and says to me, "How many people are with you?" 3. OK, you don't need to wait in line, come with me. And he pulls us through, skipping the line and the payment line, and puts us into an elevator with 15 chics. Yup, that's the way we roll. That is how good we looked.

Hugh Hefner and the Playmate of the year are there. So is Dennis Rodman, the originator of the Rodman technique. The venue is full of people, and it is loud, and I'm a little bit intimidated at first. I tell Joker if he finds me standing around in a chode circle, to tell me to get the fuck away. But not now... haha.

12. Girl sitting at the bar. Horse Girl. Are you trying to insult me? OK, listen up... there was this girl... are you with me? Oh I'm with you... Is that some kind of horrible pickup line? It's the worst pickup line in the world, but will you forgive me? She is not having it (B) Good warmup

13. Two girls walking past. Sex Last Week. They keep walking (B)

I roamed the club, checking out the environment. Its a pretty cool place, great views...

14. Girl standing near a bottle service area. Horse Girl. A guy comes in... you know this girl? Yeah, she is my wife. I continue the opener and then he pulls her away (B)

15. A girl opens me by asking if I'll show my penis to a bachelorette. I tell her to show me her vagina. I grab her tits and ask her if they are real. She gets angry, and calls me an asshole and says you just touched my breasts! No, I touched your shirt. She turns around and I slap her on the ass. She then kicks me in my ass. I'm laughing my ass off and she is really angry. What did she expect, compliance (B)

My friend texts me and says Lavo is off the hook, so we hop in a taxi and head over
The taxi line is long, and full of chics...

16. Horse Girl. Hug. The line rolls around so she has to go (C<5)

17. Bachelorette party of drunk girls. Something situational... lots of hugs. They get in a taxi (C<5)

Both of these taxi line sets were great state builders, loaded with fun.

The door guy is being a dick...
It's after midnight, I can't let you in. (It is about 10 after 12)
How about if $20 found its way into your hand?
Sorry guys.
I see a promoters name on the list and have Driver text it to me.
Nope, promoters lists closed at midnight
How many chics do we need with us dude? I'll make it happen...
Sorry, not with those boots
Then my buddy comes out, grabs one of the door guys that he is friends with, and we all roll in. The door guy is like, hey, I'm glad you got in. Blow me dude

Inside, I bond with my buddy for a bit, and we all do a shot of Makers Mark Bourbon. Fire in the belly! Let the games begin!

I roll out onto the dance floor with Driver and Joker... the club is loud, and I'm not sure what to do. Joker and I have a conference to discuss Brad P loud venue openers... You are so in my way! Did you just grab my ass! Sex Last Week. You're cool, High 5!

18. A girl is giving me the eye... she comes over, I reach my hand out to her and pull her in. She says, You are my favorite person in here. Thank you.. I ask if she is Persian? No, hispanic. Hugs, a little dancing, she dances awkwardly and goes back to her group. There is a big guy in the group giving me the death stare. Sorry dude, you just don't look as good as me (C<5)

19. 4 girls on the dance floor. Did you just grab my ass? No... naughty girl, and slap her on the ass. Her friends want to know what happened, and she tells all of them. I'm dancing away. We chat for a minute, but it doesn't go anywhere and she is feeling awkward (C<5)

20. Girl sitting alone on a pedestal. Horse Girl. Hug. Smart Tests. Smart/Hot/Rich. Reckon/Yonder. She asks if I will help her down. I pick up her and slide her along the length of my body on the way to the floor... and she goes over the girls from set #19 (C<5)

21. Did you just grab my ass? No. Naughty girl... slap on ass. A dude steps in and gets in between us, but doesn't say or do anything. (B)

I go to the bar to get some water. I stop by the girl from set #18 and say let's go chat at the bar, it is more quiet over there. But she won't leave her friends. I realize her friends are the girls form set #21

22. A fat girl at the bar... nobody else to talk to. Did you just grab my ass? Haha, no... you totally did, you dirty girl. We laugh and play on that for a minute, then I order some water (C<5)

23. As I get my water, a woman just states to the world in general, Hey, somebody just spilled on me! I look at her and say, It was me. I did it. She is confused for a second, and then realizes I'm joking. Now her dress is all wet on the back, and I rub it to wipe it off, and say how somebody yesterday spilled a whole drink on me but it was unintentional so I had to forgive them and just move on. She agreed. Brad Pitt. Her name is similar to Angelina, so I pretend she did say Angelina. Smart Tests. She is a school teacher, so she says she is smart... Smart/Hot/Rich. She is gushing at this point... OMG, you are so witty. OMG, you are so charming. OMG, you are so hot. What else do you like about me? She says, honestly, I wish you were about 6 inches taller. My response: where? She loves it. I pull her hair. She asks what I do, and I make her guess. She doesn't guess, so I tell her I'm an ass model. She keeps leaning in to tell her friend the things I am saying, and saying this guy is so witty! You have to listen to him... I vibe with the friend a bit, telling her I manage a chocolate factory and I could hook her up with the oompa loompas. She is a teacher too. I ask if the high school boys try to look down her shirt, and she says guys are such assholes. I tell her they can't help it because they have hormones. Just like you can't help that you have a small brain... she looks at me oddly, and then I laugh like crazy and she laughs too. Joker and I conference, and he goes for the brunette and I pull the blond back over to me. She says, "you thought you could pawn me off on your friend but you couldn't." We talk about identity stuff a bit... Hug test. She gives a great hug, and I bite her on the neck. She loves it. She says I'm more drunk than she is. Nope, I don't drink. She is loving me even more. Blender routine: But no getting wet. If I check and you are wet, you are going to be in big trouble young lady! She says, OK, now you have crossed the line! I throw my hands in the air in victory and yell YES!!! She is surprised, and laughs, and says you are amazing. I pull her in close to me so my arms are around her waist and her arms are on my shoulders, and then we kiss. I pull her hair and she melts. She makes a comment that I didn't quite hear, but I think it sounded like "We either need to leave right now or definitely later." I say Whoa, slow down. You are moving a little fast. I need comfort and appreciation first. I'm not a jackhammer with legs you know. Tell you what, I'll make you my 2 minute girlfriend, and we can see how you do. Then maybe we can extend the trial period to 15 minutes or so. Logistics: both live in town, both drove together. My girl is the driver. They need to leave together. I tell her to work it out, and she asks her friend, "Do you like Joker?" Apparently Joker said something to offend her, so I am wingman less. We make out some more. She asks how old I am, and I say 67. She says she is 83, but she has a healthy diet. I share my diet info, and she is head over heals in love at this point. Then she says, I can't go home with you, I'm married and have a family. I say that's OK, we need somebody to hold the camera. The look on her face was priceles, like holy crap he doesn't care, that is awesome! I tell her lets go somewhere more quiet to discuss, but she won't leave the friend. I text my buddy to come wing, but the girls run off to the dance floor and the friend is now dancing naughty with some guy. Cool. I run into my girl again, and start making out with her on the dance floor. She says she doesn't know how to dance to this kind of music, so I tell her we will dance to our own song, and she loves it. We are now making out like crazy... I keep rubbing her inner thigh, and she starts to dry hump my leg. They she says, I can't handle it and runs away. I believe it is a lost case at this point, and I find Joker and we get ready to leave. I run into the girl on the way out, and I push her against the wall and start making out with her again. The friend returns and busts us in the act, haha. Good night ladies (K) Damn logistics...

24. Two girls sitting. Do you have a cigarette? Nope... Joker and I sit down and start talking to the two girls. There are a lot of distractions. A third girl arrives, and they need to leave, and this third girl gives me a hug good-bye. I go to kiss her on the lips and we make out. She gives Joker a hug and he goes to make out with her, and she says "I can't make out with two boys in the same minute!" Why not, I ask? Yeah, you are right. And she makes out with Joker. Nice (K)

25. Two chics by the Venice fountain. Joker opens first and I wing. My girl is cuter and ADD, so hard to keep focused. She is a big shit tester, but I pass them all with flying colors. Joker's girl hates him now and they start to leave, but we change targets and my girl is bonding with me. I get her number because she lives in LA. She sees Joker try to kiss the other girl and yells Hey, and then pulls her away and they leave (#)

26. Two chics at slots (fugly.) High 5, you're awesome! This is a great opener. I leave by asking where the craps table is, to go find Driver. (C<5)

27. Two chics at slots. Russian girls. High 5, you're awesome! Joker and I sit down with the girls. I'm just playing nice while Joker is in full on sexual animal mode. The girls aren't dtf, so we leave (C>5)

28. black girl on the street. She opens Joker, I like your look. She tells driver, Ooh, I like your pants. She seems me and rushes over and says You are adorable! She wants a picture with me, so we get one. Then I want one with funny faces. And I want one with kisses. (K)

29. Two girls coming up the escalator. Sex Last Week. Maybe... Smart tests. I give her a ride down some stairs via piggy back, and she says to some people going up the escalator, "This is a real man!" Smart/Hot/Rich... I'll be rich with your money. Nice hair, I pull it... She stops. And starts talking to a guy... I think she is a hoe. (C>5)

30. Roaming 9 set, Horse Girl. She stops, and 6 dudes just keep walking and let me talk to her. A girlfriend comes back to claim her (B)

31. Joker opens 2 girls at slots. I wing, just vibing with normal conversation. They went to Thunder from Down Under, and I asks if that made her horny. No. Joker pisses off the girl he is talking to, and we leave (C<5)

32. Weak Elevator set. 2 girls run into the elevator. High 5, you are awesome! We get off the elevator, and then look at each other and say fuck, we should have gone to their floor. Oops (C<5)

I was so in state by the end of the night. 21 total sets, 2.5 makeouts
I love how walking down the street in Vegas when people are drunk, they speak with no filter. At least 5 chics yelled out something about how they loved how one of us looks.

B - 6
C<5 - 9
C>5 -1
# - 2
K - 3